After a while I thought that there was no point trying to find meaning in situations where a moral injury has occurred: when you are forced to act or witness things happening against your most deep-seated values, where you suffer betrayal from people supposed to protect you or be on your side. Your mind can’t grasp, can’t fathom how that can happen. That is where the moral injury in relational trauma comes from. Your values don’t make sense any more. Your safety doesn’t exist any more.
I came to a point where I was so overwhelmed with trauma I thought there is no meaning in what happened. It was just a terrible, long period of evil affecting me and mum. Maybe a similar thing happens when after a terrible event people decide there is no God. God is meant to give meaning but when someone doesn’t understand that meaning and doesn’t want to accept that His meaning is mysterious, they abandon him. I guess I just skipped the God phase and decided there was no meaning, no reason for such evil. When you can’t comprehend what seems like immense evil, it wouldn’t be surprising to just not admit meaning.
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